Groupon is a dork

I know Groupon is super proud of their 500+ "writers" who set their deals apart by writing utter nonsense for every offer, but I'd like to say this: You are wrong, your writers are positively Australian-style clever (that is a non-compliment), and you should just tell me what you're selling, where it is and how much it costs. Because that is why I use Groupon. I do not care about a bunch of "witty" 20-somethings eating lunch on a ping-pong table with their boston terriers. You are not going to be "the next Google", you are going to make sure I get a manicure this weekend.