MICROTALK

Look! I'm a magazine!

2009-11-10T08:56:00.000-05:00

Here are some random things I like! Turn my pages and then recycle me!

1. SERGE LUTENS.

These two mixed together especially.
Miel de Bois Notes: Ebony, gaiac, oak wood, honey, beeswax, iris, hawthorn
Un Lys Notes: Lily, musk, vanilla
Both created by Christopher Sheldrake.

Believe.

2. STATIONERY FROM KATE'S PAPERIE

Kate's Primavera Sheets & Envelopes in Lilac

Faux Lizard Lined Cards, Sky Blue

3. GRAHAM CRACKERS

Specifically the thick, slightly chewy ones from Fresh Direct.

4. MARIMEKKO SHIT

5. MUSTELA
For Virginia, for me - whoever - this stuff rules.

I own every single one of these products.

6. 'En Passant' by FREDERIC MALLE

Two perfume things on the same list? Yes. I wear this one everyday! You can get it at Barney's though it's not on their website?

7. FLANNEL SHEETS.
The ultimate in coziness.

8. ALMOND FLAVORED/SCENTED THINGS.
Amaretto. Marzipan. Pignoli cookies. Macarons. Kiehl's hand lotion. All fantastic.

9. CUISINART COOKWARE

You can buy way more expensive pots and pans- but you don't need to, dawg! These are terrific.

10. ROCCO's on BLEECKER STREET

Now available to order online. Holy. Crap. Now I don't have to live in New York forever!

Carb Coma

2009-11-03T20:48:00.001-05:00

PA310263.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

You're killin' me, girl!

Nuggie's first Halloween- major success

Really?

2009-11-03T11:20:00.000-05:00

I got a call from this place 20/20 Financial Consulting today, which I thought was possibly bullshit so I went to their website to see.

Do people like NOT KNOW what crosshairs are? They are the things you see inside the scope of a shotgun that you use to align that shotgun to better blast someone's face off or bag a deer or fuck up a mailbox.

You'll see that in this instance, the crosshairs are neatly positioned over this happy blonde woman's eyeball, as if to say, "It's TAX TIME, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

Huh?

Never Gets Old

2009-11-02T16:16:00.000-05:00

Sometimes (all the time) when I see milk in the fridge, I'll start singing The Who's 'Anyway Anyhow Anywhere' but change the lyrics to "Nothin gets in my way, not even lactose..." which, come on, is what I thought they were saying anyway.

Then I chuckle. Still!

Mad Men big reveal

2009-10-12T11:42:00.000-04:00

Betty Draper is ...

LEFT-HANDED!

hi

2009-10-05T22:17:00.001-04:00

P1080759.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

If this was the last picture I ever saw, I would die visually satisfied.

If Virginia is mad at me in 10 years for posting it, I'll remind her that exactly 3 and a half people read this thing.

Mom & The Widge

2009-09-25T09:40:00.001-04:00

P1080717.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

I was really hoping we'd get style-stopped that day but like EVERY OTHER DAY OF MY LIFE, it didn't happen- except by Mike!

Get outta here

2009-09-16T15:18:00.000-04:00

Dear Restoration Hardware,

Really? Do that many people want to work inside a suitcase? Sometimes I like to feel small too, but I usually just opt to hang out with misogynists. I guess spending $4000 on an 'Alice in Wonderland' fantasy desk is another option!

K thx,
Elizabeth

Mad at Men

2009-09-15T21:22:00.000-04:00

Uugghhhhh I am getting really sick of pretending to give a shit about Mad Men this season. Just what is the grade of my beef? My beef is as follows:

1. Betty Draper is a fucking bore. Please just a shot of Don kissing her goodbye in the morning so I can see her in her nightie and then buh-bye. I mean we've been watching her be a spoiled, boring, bad mom to 2 kids. Now we have to watch her be a spoiled, boring, bad mom to 3 kids? Everyone knows that babies are a SHOW-KILLER so let's just bring shit back to the office, k? Sally's lisp is giving my mom agita.

2. Don's some upright citizen now? Isn't there some hilariously stereotypical something or other he can be moodily porking? Maybe the flagrant elementary school teacher. The one who called his house at night (?) to be like, "Behhhhh saw-weeeeee about earlier...I'm wasted la la la my dad died, bye bye" thus giving Don his totally predictable 'broken bird' boner.

3. This British takeover. Who the fuck are these people!? This is the dumbest, go-nowhere story arc ever. Some dork talking about expense reports three episodes in a row? That isn't interesting at my OWN JOB, why would I want to watch it on TV?

4. Where is Roger? Where is Mr. Cooper? Those dudes at least had some good lines. Joan too!

5. Fucking Peggy! "What if this is my time?" ?? What does that even mean and why does she think Don would give a shit? Quit then! Go sit in a cheesy-looking office like Duck Phillips! I think it's pretty hilarious she fancies herself some super genius for writing some crap about lipstick? I used to BE a copywriter. It's not art. (This blog on the other hand...)

6. The show is not smart enough to be weird. Let me say it again - Betty. is. not. interesting. So neither are her acid trips. All these goofy "visions" that Betty is experiencing - it's like Soundgarden's 'Black Hole Sun' up in there, man! Leave that shit to 'Weeds,' yo!

I can't wait until LOST comes back.

Mike and V

2009-09-12T22:27:00.001-04:00

P1080708.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

Riding in the elevator at the New Museum.

Fashion's Night In

2009-09-09T09:52:00.000-04:00

I never talk about clothes anymore, riiiight? But I still wear them. Everyday. Without fail. So here are my recent thoughts.

I am always suspicious when someone says that Theory is their favorite designer, cuz I'm like, "Are you really into going to work?" Theory is the opposite of NSFW.

On a scale of 0-100, the following depicts how excited I am for 'Fashion's Night Out' tomorrow:

The Lambertson Truex event at Loehmann's however? Legitimately excited but most likely too guilty to spend money. For those of you not buckling under insane daycare expenses: the event is Sept 10 6-11pm (11pm??) at both the Chelsea and Upper West Side stores.

Am I showing my true MOM colors by saying I am really into Liz Claiborne now?

Yes. Fine. Whatever.

Skimmed the article about Zappos in the new ish of the New Yorker. Whatever, man. That place never has sales and sells way too many shoes to deal with. I ain't got time to sort through 3000 pairs of Rocket Dogs to find something that doesn't look like a hamburger bun for a foot. They get the thumbs down. Free return shipping? How about some shoes I won't want to return instantly? No. Instead I holler at eBay sellers, ShoeMetro, Designer Shoe Box and Shoe Dresser. Proenza Schouler insanity heels for $60? That's what I'm talking about. If only everybody on EARTH would take advantage of such opportunities and stop offending my eyeballs each day with their flip flops and gladiator sandals.

Which brings me to: your feet. PUT THEM AWAY! It is September now, time to hide your revolting dogs. Subcomplaint: Why do chicks get "french pedicures"? Why would you want to accentuate the length of your toenails?!?!? I don't like french tips on hands either (Kate Spade says, "Nothing is less classy" and I agree) but toes?? Why not just tie a scarf around your big toe and get the pinky pierced? Ugh. Accessorize your personality and cool out on your toes, I say!

There's my two cents!

@ The Standard

2009-09-01T22:23:00.001-04:00

P8220339.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

Mike and I stayed at the new Standard hotel in celebration of our 3rd anniversary and snapped this photo from our awesome room on the 9th floor. We did not, however, commit lewd acts in full view of High Line visitors, as widely reported by The New York Post (rag of shame).

Like...

2009-08-29T22:11:00.000-04:00

A lot of people have died this summer, eh?

Cousins

2009-08-12T19:23:00.001-04:00

P8080349.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

Virginia and her cousin, Emma (8) hanging out on Grandma Lynne's couch in Scarborough...

Landstrider

2009-07-25T21:34:00.001-04:00

P7200270.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

Her saddle was in the shop

Tats in heaven

2009-07-15T20:14:00.000-04:00

See- it's tough. On the one hand I think it's pretty lame to harsh on the dead. It's like kicking a turtle, or making fun of Canada. Dead people are bad opponents. Just last week I was infuriated by Linda Stasi's libelous and small-minded spearing of Michael Jackson in the NY Post. Nasty in its own right, but crueler still by its timing and the fact that Jackson has three young, appropriately devastated children.

Still, I am moved to hate on Dash Snow.

Dash, I'm confused. You bother to get clean only to get dirty again? You somehow make it into the 2006 Biennial & the Saachi gallery despite your art being comprised primarily of newspapers and semen? You left a tiny child fatherless, and the world's cools are tripping over themselves to offer you the biggest full-caps R.I.P.s...

Whatever dude. Rest in the peace I'll never experience because I am neither a world-renown artist nor heir to an oil fortune.

Gross yourself out.

2009-07-07T15:12:00.000-04:00

Most people that know me (my husband / my mom) know that I hate YouTube. The reason that I hate it is the very same that allows the following "game" to exist; the reason is that it's completely overrun with useless low-quality garbage / the game is called 'Gross Yourself Out' and the first contestant is this video for Deep Blue Something's 'Breakfast at Tiffany's.' Surely you remember this mouth-puker from that part of the 90s where rom-com was inexplicably a music genre.

Watch this shit here

K.
First of all this is the 'REVISED VERSION' - not sure what was revised, maybe a bit more slow-motion guitar jamming, or a bit more Angela Lansbury in the mix?

2nd- What is this shit even about? Butlers?

3rd- Oh 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'? The lyrics are pitiful. I don't think there is anybody on earth who sorta kinda maybe can vaguely recall seeing some of this movie once? You either have seen it a million times- blah blah George Peppard died of AIDS, 'Moon River', Audrey Hepburn has a cigarette holder and a cat, 'Holly Golightly', 'Sally Tomato', etc. - OR - you have not seen it, think it's gay anyway and don't give it a second thought.

4th- What's my 4th? Oh screwTube!! I hate that repository of 1s and 0s. Can't believe these clowns were on Interscope...

Happy 4th of July!

2009-07-05T12:06:00.001-04:00

P7040276.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

Go America!

nanu nanu

2009-06-21T22:40:00.001-04:00

P1080448.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

Just the 10 of us

2009-06-16T10:15:00.001-04:00

P6140222.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

I nibble these!

11 days?

2009-06-04T10:04:00.000-04:00

Holy Moholy Nagy-- I can't take it! The excitement is killing me. I want to like.. swallow a campfire and smoke her out!! I talk to her every night and when she moves a bunch tell her that's "no place for a baby" and she needs to "come on out now and not leave a big mess." "Please leave everything as you found it in there, your daddy is going to need it back."

SATURDAY SATURDAY SATURDAY! Let's do this.

Small critter

2009-06-01T08:46:00.000-04:00

My tiny daughter has waited until now to give me a really cute stretch mark right in the middle of my abdomen. It's a pretty cool meteorological pattern that I will point to and frown at, every time she gives me grief.

Mike and I went over to my mom's place last night so that Mikey could enjoy the HBO Churchill movie (while my mom and I tortured him by being total GIRLS. "Wait-- Russia was our ally??" "Ew. Those are their planes? Those don't look they could do much damage at all!" "Why do they paint targets on them?" "Dresden... they make some sort of pottery or ceramics there, no?" "Roosevelt's wife... she was a big time lezzie, right?") But seeing as how he is a Top Quality Husband he answered all our questions about the chronology of the war and never called us ignorant goofballs.

Today is Monday- the beginning of my last week of work. I must enjoy my fill of the fresh fruit, South Beach Bars and iced cappuccinos we have in endless supply there, while I can!

In other news, I've just noticed the "MONETIZE" tab in the Blogger dashboard and prefer to think of it as Monet-tize"

2009-05-26T20:23:00.001-04:00

I am officially full-term now!! Go me!

Cute-attoos

2009-05-21T20:05:00.000-04:00

If I was the type of person (aka, anybody these days) to get myself covered in a bunch of meaningless tattoos, I could do a lot worse than this Dick Bruna illustration (aka, the cutest thing I have ever seen)

Large and Not in Charge

2009-05-18T19:47:00.000-04:00

I'm sure a lot of women who have been 36 weeks pregnant feel like they're "getting close" but gosh, it really starts to change your brain at a certain point- I can't really describe it.

(Oh wait- it appears that I can! See below!)

It's sorta like the feeling you get at a shooting range when you're getting ready to let 'er rip. The weight of the gun may at first make you a little nervous and excited, then you get yourself all situated to take aim - get your grip all solid, size up your surroundings, take a broad view of your target, narrow your eyes to look through the scope, or, if you aren't using one of those pussy-ass total-cheater things, just lining up your sights the normal way, steadying your hands, zen-ing out and firing.

So, everything up until now has been all that excitement and shifting stuff around, and now it's time to slow your heartrate, zoom your eyeballs in all Spike Lee-style to achieve hyperfocus, and pull the trigger.

Not to brag - but I am kinda insanely gifted at shooting, so naturally I intend to excel at delivering a baby.

As I was lying in bed last night, wedging pillows under my pendulous belly to keep it from "sliding off," I said to Mike that I didn't think I could keep her in there for very much longer. She has been really active the whole time but now she is moving in ways that feel too grown up and unnatural* to be contained. I realize I have no say in when she chooses to emerge but if there is such a thing as "women's intuition" I'd say she'll come out to greet us sooner rather than later.

*Well, they'd feel totally natural being performed anywhere other than against my intestines or on top of my bladder.