MICROTALK

Sick as Hell!: The Gift Guide.

2011-11-16T15:04:00.000-05:00

Did I craft this holiday gift guide with your boyfriend or dog or co-worker in mind? Hell no. This is a list of things *I* want, for myself. If you like them too - awesome. Will my mom be buying them for you? No, she won't. Get your own mom/husband/rich lawyer friends/aunts in New Jersey/absentee dad!
Would-be gift buyers- this is a work in progress. Keep checking!

ALL THE GLITTERS IS MINE

Druzy stacking ring - $57
I'm woozy for druzy.

1950s aqua rhinestone earrings - $9.99

Um. These earrings are 10 dollas. Who can argue with that?

The Hermes H-our watch - $1675
Every year I buy myself "something fancy." Haven't decided what I want my something fancy to be this year but considering I'll be buying it FOR TWO, it can be extra fancy, right?

Cameo post earrings - $4.25
These cost less than an eggnog latte- and while they might not *smell* as good, they would look better on my ears. (That was such a 'Groupon copywriter'-style sentence. barf)

ACCESSORY TO MURDER (FOR)

Vintage raccoon hat - $24.99
This is a lot of glamour for $25. Just imagine my incredible hair peeking out from behind. Undeniable!!!

Vintage ponytail holder - $14.95

Sage side bow headband - $32
I gotta grow up when it comes to my hair. These Goody elastics are played OUT!

Laser cut star leather gloves - $55
They're kinda tough...but they kinda still have stars all over them.

DRESS ME UP, DRESS ME DOWN

Vintage Norman Norell sweater jacket - $160
Love it!

Alice and Olivia rhinestone sweater - $330
Totally a rip, but also totally a trip!

1960s vintage baby blue empire-waist dress - $108
Now, I don't want to HAVE Rosemary's baby, but I do want to look like a pregnant Mia Farrow.

Bow mini skirt at ASOS - $86
If it has a bow, I pretty much want it. I. AIN’T. COMPLICATED.
CHOOSE SHOES

Opening Ceremony White Sandals - $158 (down from $525!) Size 41! Act fast!

BAG IT UP

Girl's satchel - $70
It says it's for a kid. Maybe I could be convinced to share.

Ale Sly Bandolera flap bag at Opening Ceremony - $115
Super steal!

Steven Alan 'Georgiana' bag - $475
It's beautiful. I want it.
WAKE UP AND SMELL…ME

All available at Barney's. The idea with those two Lutens is to wear them TOGETHER. (Signature mix, copyright e.b.Mann's superior nasal passages, 2011 AD)
Also- those Byredo’s come in a smaller size ($145) and that is totally acceptable.
Not pictured: Aqua Universalis (Maison Francis Kurkdijan) and Jo Malone’s ‘Wild Bluebell’ – both available at Bergdorf Goodman

HOME IS WHERE MY STUFF IS

"Carved ice" ashtray - $25
Yeah, yeah, smoking kills but this ashtray is killin' it!!

MY KID IS SO HOT RIGHT NOW

Toddler Barbour jacket - $199
My fancy gift last year was an Anya Hindmarch for Barbour coat and it’s one of my favorite sartorial expenditures ever. Why shouldn’t my pint-sized sprog experience similar joy?

UppaBaby Piggyback Ride-along board - $80
Miss Virginia's new ride once the Noogler arrives.

Faveski?

2011-10-20T17:23:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm going to tell you about a new face product that's going to make your skin feel GORGE and in return you can all pitch in and buy me this frump dress.

So I had a facial the other day and they used this wonderful toner and then kinda strongly suggested I buy some to take home and I said yes because it was pink and French. Best $40 I spent in a while y'all.

You can order it here!

It makes your skin smell awesome and stay supple all day long. My skin is dry as helllll in the winter and I don't even need to put moisturizer over this stuff- it's totally miraculous. There. Okay bye.

Fume chat with E.B. Manicles

2011-08-31T15:59:00.000-04:00

So, some of you three people know that I am really into perfume snobbery. It's my latest snobbery and my most treasured, now that "food" and "social acquaintances" are played out.

My favorite way to kill two hours of a workday (and I do it like 4 times a year so it's hardly an actionable offence, employer) is to take a walk over to Barney's or Bergdorf's and go on a sniffing spree. Barney's and Bergdorf's, for those of you not in New York, are really close to one another, geographically, yet offer almost completely different 'fume arrays! (with the exception of Serge Lutens, who they both carry) Anyway! Inspired by my latest olfactory journey to Bergdorfz, here are some things in my Crave Crate(tm).

Chanel makes a whole bunch of perfumes- everybody knows this. But the Les Exclusifs collection is the awesome stuff they are smart enough NOT to sell in every airport duty-free from here to St. Louis. Sycomore has always been a fave but this was the first time I smelled 'Cuir de Russie.' Those of you with a 5th grade French education like moi will know that "cuir" means leather and leather smells sexy and expensive. Here's what Chanel says about it ...
A rich, woody Oriental enhanced with leather notes for an enveloping, warm, sensual presence, created by CHANEL Master Perfumer Ernest Beaux in 1927. Constructed on a base of Albanian Birchwood, its pure heart of Jasmine, Oriental Rose and Ylang-Ylang peaks in a mélange of mingling notes -- Tunisian Orange Blossom, Calabrian Bergamot and Sicilian Mandarin.

Holy yum. My friend Jelena turned me on to Aqua Universalis from Maison Francis Kurkdjian a year or two ago but imagine my delight to find that it's available in an EDP in an ever so slightly modified formula crafted for improved sillage and snob-factor. There's citron, bergamot, a bouquet of white flowers, light woods... it's like a breath of fresh cool air!

Jelena and I once had a discussion about 'perfume and kids' and whether the two should be used in the same sentence, what scents are appropriate for children... it was very highbrow... anyway, Aqua Universalis was one she suggested and I agree! There's really no one who would suck at wearing this. Except terrorists. Terrorists should never wear this fragrance.

So... ouds. Oud is like a perfume snob's sex-sap. Wait- I just totally grossed myself out. "Sex Sap" is awful - but oud is not...if you're into that sort of thing? According to one Basenotes poster Oud is the "fecal-tinged tree sludge left over from fending off a fungal infection..." That's hot.

I tried these two above and liked them both but can't decide which I'd like for LONGER and seeing as how they're not cheap... it's tough!

About By Kilian's 'Rose Oud', Luckyscent says ...
"The senses are teased with veils of smoke, traces of leather, hints of wood – passing shadows that make the luminous bloom glow more intensely by contrast."

The Creed fragrance has been referred to as an oud for Occidentals - and while, yes, that's me, do I really want to go around announcing how damn unexotic I am? I think I should check out some Tom Ford Ouds...

Speaking of Tom Ford...

Sweet and delicious. According to Neiman Marcus, "The multi-layered fragrance starts with opening notes of Tokajii Wine and Cognac to reveal the sensuous heart of Champaca Absolute and the final warm notes of Vanilla Bean, Amber and Sandalwood."

I might have to reveal the "final warm notes" of my paycheck to Tom, TOUT SUITE!

Gosh, you guys! I have this love/hate thing going on with Penhaligon's 'Bluebell' (Kate Moss's signature scent y'all!) sometimes I think it's a groovy throwback and sometimes I think it's a powdery mess. Jo Malone has solved my problem (like, thanks Jo!) by making a fresh, green, girly, watery, gorgeous bluebell fragrance! It's so yummy wood nymph I think I might sprout pointy ears and give up spray tans!!

There was one more amazing thing that I smelled but it deserves an entry all of it’s own. Here’s a hint: the perfume is so fancy and snobby it doesn’t even have a NAME- it is merely a SYMBOL like the Artist Formerly Known As!! It might take me a long time to save up for it. Or it will take me no time to save up for it if I buy it on say… January 15th. Not to brag, y’all, but I work in finance.

Smell ya later!!

Now I always know where to find them.

2011-08-08T09:28:00.000-04:00

I heart George Soros.

2011-07-27T09:49:00.000-04:00

"I will no longer manage money for other people or institutions. I have enough of my own wealth to manage. Some people, who think they have arrived at a reasonable estimate of my net worth, might be surprised that I would call it quits with such a small war chest. That is fine; I am content with my rewards. Moreover, I will let others try to amass nine, ten or eleven-figure net worths. Meanwhile, their lives suck. Appointments back to back, booked solid for the next three months, they look forward to their two week vacation in January during which they will likely be glued to their Blackberries or other such devices. What is the point? They will all be forgotten in 50 years anyway. Steve Balmer, Steven Cohen, and Larry Ellison will all be forgotten. I do not understand the legacy thing. Nearly everyone will be forgotten. Give up on leaving your mark. Throw the Blackberry away and enjoy life."

I think it's super funny that George Soros considers his war chest "small" but seriously- what's not to love about this tennis-crazed Hungarian lover of ladies? I hope his shuddering of his hedge fund's doors (10 floors below this hedge fund's doors, interestingly enough) means he'll draw attention to America's myriad probs, get up in the government's grill and make like a modern-day Guy Grant in Terry Southern's 'The Magic Christian' (google it)

Today!

2011-07-21T10:39:00.000-04:00

Ordered the highest rated re-usable earplugs available from earplugstore.com

Work is about to get a lot less murder-inspiring!

Groupon is a dork

2011-07-18T12:07:00.000-04:00

I know Groupon is super proud of their 500+ "writers" who set their deals apart by writing utter nonsense for every offer, but I'd like to say this: You are wrong, your writers are positively Australian-style clever (that is a non-compliment), and you should just tell me what you're selling, where it is and how much it costs. Because that is why I use Groupon. I do not care about a bunch of "witty" 20-somethings eating lunch on a ping-pong table with their boston terriers. You are not going to be "the next Google", you are going to make sure I get a manicure this weekend.

Mrs. Softee

2011-06-23T22:49:00.001-04:00

june 2011 034, originally uploaded by microtard.

She can't help it. The girl can't help it.

Population Control

2011-06-14T11:58:00.000-04:00

Whenever I walk past someone and overhear them use the word "EXpecially", I think, "I bet we could really thin out the English-speaking population by just instantly executing people that say that..." and then I think, "Gosh, that's mean Elizabeth!" But then I remember how I feel the same way about people who abbreviate et cetera to 'ect.' or pronounce it "EXetera" (you see where I'm going with this?)

So then I'm like "Okay okay okay! If a person says EXpecially (or EXpresso) *and* they also abbreviate et cetera as 'ect.', then it's okay if they just self-destruct on the street like a suicide bomber (but with no collateral damage. So think more like an implosion than an explosion.)

Although an EXplosion would be ironic, don't ya think?

It's been so long ...

2011-03-22T10:13:00.000-04:00

So I'm gonna talk straight important right now.

These chairs look like they gotta pee.

Valentine's Day?

2011-01-26T16:45:00.000-05:00

So... these are cool.

December 2010

2011-01-11T15:04:00.001-05:00

December 2010 023, originally uploaded by microtard.

What is better than a toddler in jammies?!??!

Long time no blog

2010-12-13T20:40:00.000-05:00

Sorry blog, I just don't have the time to devote to you anymore. I'm really busy looking at consumer crap nonstop and letting my brain ooze out my ever-largening pores. Largening? See- this exactly why I need to retire.

Anyway- what's new with me?

1. Child maintenance. My child is 1.5 years old! She is totally great and brings Mike and I boatloads of joy and laughs and her life is well-documented over at rival blogodome, Til There Was You - a blog originally meant to document my struggle to get pregnant after losing one fallopian tube, and a struggle which ultimately lasted about 8 minutes (September 11th 2008 yo! Nevuh fugget!)

2. Eyelash extensions. I was going to put this first and child maintenance second, but thought you might think less of me. But seriously, eyelash extensions are amazing and if I was completely terrible with money I would have them constantly. It's important to have at least ONE part of your body resemble that of a classy hooker, and since my boobs are shot, I have chosen my eyelids.

3. Chest wax? In keeping with the beauty and bod mod theme of the previous point- it only JUST dawned on me that every dude actor has no chest hair. I thought it was just a coincidence but then I realized that it's INTENTIONAL. Whoa. Looks good, dudes! Keep it up! That's not really something that's been "going on with me" - but it is something I have thought about since we last talked.

4. Job. I still work at the same place but I do a different job there now. WoW.

5. I started out finding that Vampire Weekend holiday song sort of annoying. Now I want to get a full blown restraining order against it. It needs to be issued a STOP WORK ORDER! Holy shit!!!!

6. Just finished reading The Mosquito Coast - a book suggested to me by my husband when I began expressing a desire to leave modern civilization and live off the land in Ecuador or something. The book was awesome, and even though dude ends up getting his brain eaten by a vulture, I'm still not sure that's worse than say, the Upper East Side? In all seriousness though, it's tough - I can't live in New York City for much longer but I don't hate everything about modern society! I just want to be able to walk around, and see other people- but also have trees around and a place to plant vegetables and have a cool house I can easily afford. A few restaurants that aren't gross. Is that so much to ask?

7. Lost my thought train.

precariousness

2010-09-29T00:10:00.001-04:00

precarious 001, originally uploaded by microtard.

Hate Spree

2010-09-21T09:19:00.000-04:00

Oh helllooooo Barnes and Noble e-advertisement! Please detail the highlights of your latest literary brain ticklers for me!

What's that? Well no, I *didn't* enjoy 'Shopaholic' and not just because I didn't read it...

Good GAWD.

If I were involved with some sort of Baader-Meinhof group right now, I think I'd propose our first "political action" be to insert poison onto every page of this book. Kinsella's fanbase might be my least favorite form of human being other than actual murderers and child abusers.

Pavement Set List - Williamsburg Waterfront - Sunday, September 19th, 2010

2010-09-20T12:00:00.000-04:00

“Cut Your Hair”

“Date w/Ikea”

“Rattled by the Rush”

“Elevate Me Later”

“Grounded”

“Frontwards”

“Shady Lane”

“Unfair”

“Perfume-V”

“Fight This Generation”

“Silence Kit”

“Box Elder”

“Stop Breathing”

“Two States”

“Father to a Sister of a Thought”

“Heckler Spray/In the Mouth a Desert”

“We Dance”

“Summer Babe”

“Fin”

“Stereo”

Encores:

“Spit on a Stranger”

“Trigger Cut”

“Starlings of the Slipstream”

“Gold Soundz”

“Kennel District”

“Range Life”

Born too Late

2010-08-30T11:28:00.000-04:00

This book is finally out and I can't wait to read it. No one I spend 45 hours a week with even knows what National Lampoon is so, uh, at least I can fill my "downtime" with something cool.

Plus there's a chapter about my dad.

Dear Gilt Groupe

2010-08-17T12:06:00.000-04:00

Enough with the "flirty frocks" and "breezy separates" -- I have no idea what you're talking about anymore since this is how you describe ALL CLOTHES.

So like...

2010-08-11T23:24:00.000-04:00

..not to be culturally insensitive or whatever, but if old Indian ladies are gonna being showing off their midriffs that much, they should really concentrate on their obliques.

olden daze!

2010-08-06T09:47:00.001-04:00

minip7, originally uploaded by microtard.

Our old place at 59 Elm Grove. It was demolished last year.

In Canada, it's okay to wear navy and brown together

Revenge of the non-nerds

2010-07-20T21:24:00.000-04:00

Mike says music is one of the few things that's "quintessentially human" and I said that birds might take umbrage with that. Would they though? Is that music or talking? I guess you'd have to ask a bird. Oh well.

In other news, I am thirty now. I didn't have some crazy celebration. I didn't even get drunk. Instead I got chewed out at work for not responding to emails on my birthday. A Sunday. Ah shit.

So no booze or presents and no special dinner and no cake (to be fair, I had cake on the 17th- twice) but I did make some "30's resolutions" some of which I can reveal here and some I cannot! One of those somes is: drink more water and exercise a LOT more. Like Gwyneth Paltrow lots, ideally- though I have no idea how I will work that into my schedule since neglecting Virginia is out of the question. Tracy Anderson, show me the way!

And now? A Story!
So I have this high school enemy/ girl I used to bully. Unlike 99% of highschool crap, I *do* remember why I didn't like her (kind of?) and somehow we ended up living within a 3 block radius of each other (that doesn't make geometric sense does it? I guess math skills are part of that 99% that got left on the Upper East Side).

ANYWAY- so this chick gets off at my subway station with some frequency and I have avoided interacting with her for 3 years - grabbing my husband and running out of stores when she is spotted by the Gatorades, hiding behind columns, changing subway cars, you name it. But today it was just terrible. I mean practically colliding as we exited the train, my hanging back to increase the distance between us, taking a different staircase only to practically collide again at the bottom of it, hanging back again and closing in at a stoplight. While she looked at her iPod, I seized the opportunity to run across the boulevard to a convenience store out of my way and pause to reflect. Wow. I am thirty and running away from a woman I once pushed into a creek.

Of course there was nothing I needed in the store but I had to concoct a reason, a point to this senseless display of cowardice. The lottery. If I bought 2 scratch off lottery tickets ..and they won...it would be like the HAND OF GOD had guided me there, for a higher purpose. I asked the man behind the counter for two Lucky 7's, put them in my purse and exited the store - looking across the boulevard for any traces of my nemesis.

A few hours later, I'm here on the couch, holding my winning ticket. $7. But more importantly, $vindication.

DIRTY THIRTY

2010-07-14T11:44:00.000-04:00

So ... I'm turning 30 this weekend. Something low-key but of high sentimental value is planned for the birthday itself, out in the Hamp-toons. Then when I get back, something high-key and of very superficial importance can be thrown together hastily for the following weekend. The Amazon wishlist remains the same.

Thread the Needle

2010-05-18T22:31:00.001-04:00

april may 001, originally uploaded by microtard.

Look at this beauty!

Delishiness

2010-03-30T23:00:00.001-04:00

March 008, originally uploaded by microtard.

Great looking kid. Also: terrific choice on Farrow & Ball 'Pavilion Gray' - really happy I went with that.

It's Been a Long Time...

2010-03-29T15:44:00.000-04:00

I shouldn'ta left you...

I also shouldn't have requested 'Garfield: The Movie' from Netflix, but I blame Bill Murray deprivation. My God, it was powerfully bad.

Not as bad as my friend Jeff's new girlfriend though. Wow. Talk about a bad first impression. I won't actually talk about it though- you just have to take my word for it.

BABY NEWS:
My child is sprouting teeth and yearns to chew wood and paper. This morning Mike entered her room to find her face littered with small white paint chips in a sea of saliva - the result of gnawing the top of her crib. I did my best to wipe the paint out of her mouth with a blanket but I must come up with, and here I quote Hitler, a more "permanent solution." I'm thinking I will cut a towel lengthwise and sew ribbons to the sides to form a sort of tie-on cover-up for the foot and headboards of the crib...

I updated my wists, tumblr, baby blog, all that e-stuff. Enjoy!

P1230698.JPG

2010-01-26T21:20:00.001-05:00

P1230698.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

Sen. Boobleface - New York (D)

Beauty and her beasts

2010-01-11T17:26:00.000-05:00

My sister and her pets. She's got the west coast genes- here I am, freezing in New York, feeling like a crusty ghost. Oy vey.

Baby's first Christmas

2010-01-03T18:14:00.001-05:00

PC250530.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

The wiggler loved it

Oops I died

2009-12-22T09:12:00.000-05:00

Does the USPS know what the word 'Deceased' means? I feel like if they did, they would stop stamping it on return-to-sender mail. But considering that PTSD sufferers get bonus points on the postal test for adding that extra "total nutjob" flair to an already beleaguered institution... I dunno. I'm just glad that the people who have sent me things only to find out from their mail carrier that I have expired, have it on pretty good authority that I am, in fact, not dead- or if I am, I am very high-functioning.

I mean, only a few weeks after I hear about THIS too. weird

What?

2009-12-08T11:05:00.001-05:00

P1030693.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

I look at this picture from Jeff's garage c. 2007 and my first thought is, "Yo- look at how small my boobs are!"

Ohhhhhhhh motherhood.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-29T22:50:00.001-05:00

PB260375.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

This picture melts my very own eyeballs!

Virginia and Mike by the lake in Retirement Villageville, NJ, on Thanksgiving Day.

That's me in the corner...

2009-11-19T15:50:00.000-05:00

That's me, totally saving the shit out of this dummy's life.

NEW LOVE

2009-11-18T15:24:00.000-05:00

Essie's Alligator Purse (Fall 2007)

Burnt orange. The perfect antidote to all those depressing and played out dark, 'Vamp'-esque burgundies and browns.

Hey Dov Charney!

2009-11-12T10:03:00.000-05:00

Look how YOUNG she is!

Look! I'm a magazine!

2009-11-10T08:56:00.000-05:00

Here are some random things I like! Turn my pages and then recycle me!

1. SERGE LUTENS.

These two mixed together especially.
Miel de Bois Notes: Ebony, gaiac, oak wood, honey, beeswax, iris, hawthorn
Un Lys Notes: Lily, musk, vanilla
Both created by Christopher Sheldrake.

Believe.

2. STATIONERY FROM KATE'S PAPERIE

Kate's Primavera Sheets & Envelopes in Lilac

Faux Lizard Lined Cards, Sky Blue

3. GRAHAM CRACKERS

Specifically the thick, slightly chewy ones from Fresh Direct.

4. MARIMEKKO SHIT

5. MUSTELA
For Virginia, for me - whoever - this stuff rules.

I own every single one of these products.

6. 'En Passant' by FREDERIC MALLE

Two perfume things on the same list? Yes. I wear this one everyday! You can get it at Barney's though it's not on their website?

7. FLANNEL SHEETS.
The ultimate in coziness.

8. ALMOND FLAVORED/SCENTED THINGS.
Amaretto. Marzipan. Pignoli cookies. Macarons. Kiehl's hand lotion. All fantastic.

9. CUISINART COOKWARE

You can buy way more expensive pots and pans- but you don't need to, dawg! These are terrific.

10. ROCCO's on BLEECKER STREET

Now available to order online. Holy. Crap. Now I don't have to live in New York forever!

Carb Coma

2009-11-03T20:48:00.001-05:00

PA310263.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

You're killin' me, girl!

Nuggie's first Halloween- major success

Really?

2009-11-03T11:20:00.000-05:00

I got a call from this place 20/20 Financial Consulting today, which I thought was possibly bullshit so I went to their website to see.

Do people like NOT KNOW what crosshairs are? They are the things you see inside the scope of a shotgun that you use to align that shotgun to better blast someone's face off or bag a deer or fuck up a mailbox.

You'll see that in this instance, the crosshairs are neatly positioned over this happy blonde woman's eyeball, as if to say, "It's TAX TIME, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

Huh?

Never Gets Old

2009-11-02T16:16:00.000-05:00

Sometimes (all the time) when I see milk in the fridge, I'll start singing The Who's 'Anyway Anyhow Anywhere' but change the lyrics to "Nothin gets in my way, not even lactose..." which, come on, is what I thought they were saying anyway.

Then I chuckle. Still!

Mad Men big reveal

2009-10-12T11:42:00.000-04:00

Betty Draper is ...

LEFT-HANDED!

hi

2009-10-05T22:17:00.001-04:00

P1080759.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

If this was the last picture I ever saw, I would die visually satisfied.

If Virginia is mad at me in 10 years for posting it, I'll remind her that exactly 3 and a half people read this thing.

Mom & The Widge

2009-09-25T09:40:00.001-04:00

P1080717.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

I was really hoping we'd get style-stopped that day but like EVERY OTHER DAY OF MY LIFE, it didn't happen- except by Mike!

Get outta here

2009-09-16T15:18:00.000-04:00

Dear Restoration Hardware,

Really? Do that many people want to work inside a suitcase? Sometimes I like to feel small too, but I usually just opt to hang out with misogynists. I guess spending $4000 on an 'Alice in Wonderland' fantasy desk is another option!

K thx,
Elizabeth

Mad at Men

2009-09-15T21:22:00.000-04:00

Uugghhhhh I am getting really sick of pretending to give a shit about Mad Men this season. Just what is the grade of my beef? My beef is as follows:

1. Betty Draper is a fucking bore. Please just a shot of Don kissing her goodbye in the morning so I can see her in her nightie and then buh-bye. I mean we've been watching her be a spoiled, boring, bad mom to 2 kids. Now we have to watch her be a spoiled, boring, bad mom to 3 kids? Everyone knows that babies are a SHOW-KILLER so let's just bring shit back to the office, k? Sally's lisp is giving my mom agita.

2. Don's some upright citizen now? Isn't there some hilariously stereotypical something or other he can be moodily porking? Maybe the flagrant elementary school teacher. The one who called his house at night (?) to be like, "Behhhhh saw-weeeeee about earlier...I'm wasted la la la my dad died, bye bye" thus giving Don his totally predictable 'broken bird' boner.

3. This British takeover. Who the fuck are these people!? This is the dumbest, go-nowhere story arc ever. Some dork talking about expense reports three episodes in a row? That isn't interesting at my OWN JOB, why would I want to watch it on TV?

4. Where is Roger? Where is Mr. Cooper? Those dudes at least had some good lines. Joan too!

5. Fucking Peggy! "What if this is my time?" ?? What does that even mean and why does she think Don would give a shit? Quit then! Go sit in a cheesy-looking office like Duck Phillips! I think it's pretty hilarious she fancies herself some super genius for writing some crap about lipstick? I used to BE a copywriter. It's not art. (This blog on the other hand...)

6. The show is not smart enough to be weird. Let me say it again - Betty. is. not. interesting. So neither are her acid trips. All these goofy "visions" that Betty is experiencing - it's like Soundgarden's 'Black Hole Sun' up in there, man! Leave that shit to 'Weeds,' yo!

I can't wait until LOST comes back.

Mike and V

2009-09-12T22:27:00.001-04:00

P1080708.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

Riding in the elevator at the New Museum.

Fashion's Night In

2009-09-09T09:52:00.000-04:00

I never talk about clothes anymore, riiiight? But I still wear them. Everyday. Without fail. So here are my recent thoughts.

I am always suspicious when someone says that Theory is their favorite designer, cuz I'm like, "Are you really into going to work?" Theory is the opposite of NSFW.

On a scale of 0-100, the following depicts how excited I am for 'Fashion's Night Out' tomorrow:

The Lambertson Truex event at Loehmann's however? Legitimately excited but most likely too guilty to spend money. For those of you not buckling under insane daycare expenses: the event is Sept 10 6-11pm (11pm??) at both the Chelsea and Upper West Side stores.

Am I showing my true MOM colors by saying I am really into Liz Claiborne now?

Yes. Fine. Whatever.

Skimmed the article about Zappos in the new ish of the New Yorker. Whatever, man. That place never has sales and sells way too many shoes to deal with. I ain't got time to sort through 3000 pairs of Rocket Dogs to find something that doesn't look like a hamburger bun for a foot. They get the thumbs down. Free return shipping? How about some shoes I won't want to return instantly? No. Instead I holler at eBay sellers, ShoeMetro, Designer Shoe Box and Shoe Dresser. Proenza Schouler insanity heels for $60? That's what I'm talking about. If only everybody on EARTH would take advantage of such opportunities and stop offending my eyeballs each day with their flip flops and gladiator sandals.

Which brings me to: your feet. PUT THEM AWAY! It is September now, time to hide your revolting dogs. Subcomplaint: Why do chicks get "french pedicures"? Why would you want to accentuate the length of your toenails?!?!? I don't like french tips on hands either (Kate Spade says, "Nothing is less classy" and I agree) but toes?? Why not just tie a scarf around your big toe and get the pinky pierced? Ugh. Accessorize your personality and cool out on your toes, I say!

There's my two cents!

@ The Standard

2009-09-01T22:23:00.001-04:00

P8220339.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

Mike and I stayed at the new Standard hotel in celebration of our 3rd anniversary and snapped this photo from our awesome room on the 9th floor. We did not, however, commit lewd acts in full view of High Line visitors, as widely reported by The New York Post (rag of shame).

Like...

2009-08-29T22:11:00.000-04:00

A lot of people have died this summer, eh?

Cousins

2009-08-12T19:23:00.001-04:00

P8080349.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

Virginia and her cousin, Emma (8) hanging out on Grandma Lynne's couch in Scarborough...

Landstrider

2009-07-25T21:34:00.001-04:00

P7200270.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

Her saddle was in the shop

Tats in heaven

2009-07-15T20:14:00.000-04:00

See- it's tough. On the one hand I think it's pretty lame to harsh on the dead. It's like kicking a turtle, or making fun of Canada. Dead people are bad opponents. Just last week I was infuriated by Linda Stasi's libelous and small-minded spearing of Michael Jackson in the NY Post. Nasty in its own right, but crueler still by its timing and the fact that Jackson has three young, appropriately devastated children.

Still, I am moved to hate on Dash Snow.

Dash, I'm confused. You bother to get clean only to get dirty again? You somehow make it into the 2006 Biennial & the Saachi gallery despite your art being comprised primarily of newspapers and semen? You left a tiny child fatherless, and the world's cools are tripping over themselves to offer you the biggest full-caps R.I.P.s...

Whatever dude. Rest in the peace I'll never experience because I am neither a world-renown artist nor heir to an oil fortune.

Gross yourself out.

2009-07-07T15:12:00.000-04:00

Most people that know me (my husband / my mom) know that I hate YouTube. The reason that I hate it is the very same that allows the following "game" to exist; the reason is that it's completely overrun with useless low-quality garbage / the game is called 'Gross Yourself Out' and the first contestant is this video for Deep Blue Something's 'Breakfast at Tiffany's.' Surely you remember this mouth-puker from that part of the 90s where rom-com was inexplicably a music genre.

Watch this shit here

K.
First of all this is the 'REVISED VERSION' - not sure what was revised, maybe a bit more slow-motion guitar jamming, or a bit more Angela Lansbury in the mix?

2nd- What is this shit even about? Butlers?

3rd- Oh 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'? The lyrics are pitiful. I don't think there is anybody on earth who sorta kinda maybe can vaguely recall seeing some of this movie once? You either have seen it a million times- blah blah George Peppard died of AIDS, 'Moon River', Audrey Hepburn has a cigarette holder and a cat, 'Holly Golightly', 'Sally Tomato', etc. - OR - you have not seen it, think it's gay anyway and don't give it a second thought.

4th- What's my 4th? Oh screwTube!! I hate that repository of 1s and 0s. Can't believe these clowns were on Interscope...

Happy 4th of July!

2009-07-05T12:06:00.001-04:00

P7040276.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

Go America!

nanu nanu

2009-06-21T22:40:00.001-04:00

P1080448.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

Just the 10 of us

2009-06-16T10:15:00.001-04:00

P6140222.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

I nibble these!

11 days?

2009-06-04T10:04:00.000-04:00

Holy Moholy Nagy-- I can't take it! The excitement is killing me. I want to like.. swallow a campfire and smoke her out!! I talk to her every night and when she moves a bunch tell her that's "no place for a baby" and she needs to "come on out now and not leave a big mess." "Please leave everything as you found it in there, your daddy is going to need it back."

SATURDAY SATURDAY SATURDAY! Let's do this.

Small critter

2009-06-01T08:46:00.000-04:00

My tiny daughter has waited until now to give me a really cute stretch mark right in the middle of my abdomen. It's a pretty cool meteorological pattern that I will point to and frown at, every time she gives me grief.

Mike and I went over to my mom's place last night so that Mikey could enjoy the HBO Churchill movie (while my mom and I tortured him by being total GIRLS. "Wait-- Russia was our ally??" "Ew. Those are their planes? Those don't look they could do much damage at all!" "Why do they paint targets on them?" "Dresden... they make some sort of pottery or ceramics there, no?" "Roosevelt's wife... she was a big time lezzie, right?") But seeing as how he is a Top Quality Husband he answered all our questions about the chronology of the war and never called us ignorant goofballs.

Today is Monday- the beginning of my last week of work. I must enjoy my fill of the fresh fruit, South Beach Bars and iced cappuccinos we have in endless supply there, while I can!

In other news, I've just noticed the "MONETIZE" tab in the Blogger dashboard and prefer to think of it as Monet-tize"

2009-05-26T20:23:00.001-04:00

I am officially full-term now!! Go me!

Cute-attoos

2009-05-21T20:05:00.000-04:00

If I was the type of person (aka, anybody these days) to get myself covered in a bunch of meaningless tattoos, I could do a lot worse than this Dick Bruna illustration (aka, the cutest thing I have ever seen)

Large and Not in Charge

2009-05-18T19:47:00.000-04:00

I'm sure a lot of women who have been 36 weeks pregnant feel like they're "getting close" but gosh, it really starts to change your brain at a certain point- I can't really describe it.

(Oh wait- it appears that I can! See below!)

It's sorta like the feeling you get at a shooting range when you're getting ready to let 'er rip. The weight of the gun may at first make you a little nervous and excited, then you get yourself all situated to take aim - get your grip all solid, size up your surroundings, take a broad view of your target, narrow your eyes to look through the scope, or, if you aren't using one of those pussy-ass total-cheater things, just lining up your sights the normal way, steadying your hands, zen-ing out and firing.

So, everything up until now has been all that excitement and shifting stuff around, and now it's time to slow your heartrate, zoom your eyeballs in all Spike Lee-style to achieve hyperfocus, and pull the trigger.

Not to brag - but I am kinda insanely gifted at shooting, so naturally I intend to excel at delivering a baby.

As I was lying in bed last night, wedging pillows under my pendulous belly to keep it from "sliding off," I said to Mike that I didn't think I could keep her in there for very much longer. She has been really active the whole time but now she is moving in ways that feel too grown up and unnatural* to be contained. I realize I have no say in when she chooses to emerge but if there is such a thing as "women's intuition" I'd say she'll come out to greet us sooner rather than later.

*Well, they'd feel totally natural being performed anywhere other than against my intestines or on top of my bladder.

need /want

2009-05-07T12:00:00.000-04:00

Madras bag from APC.

Who the fuck is Susan Boyle?

2009-05-01T22:36:00.000-04:00

Anyone?

Duh

2009-04-29T19:26:00.002-04:00

According to Nielsen research-- 60% of people that sign up for Twitter stop using it after a month. This is no doubt because it is boring, time-consuming, and completely unnecessary.

When WASPS attack

2009-04-21T12:26:00.002-04:00

Thanks, Brooks Brothers, for shattering my Slim Aarons-style dreams.

Choose shoes!

2009-04-13T12:20:00.001-04:00

P4070148.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

"I'm Jam. I'm 6 or 7 years old (Who's counting?!) and I protect these shoes. Each day I spend time with all of these shoes, tending to them, trying them on, using my nose as a shoe tree to help them keep their shape, etc.

In the evening I like to relax with a pile of socks and tights. Socks are great because they are like shoes but softer and I can throw them more easily because I am very small."

Bouchon's Bunnies

2009-04-08T19:43:00.002-04:00

Bouchon's Bunnies

Yum!

Hot $$$ Tip

2009-04-01T16:23:00.002-04:00

Fairfield Greenwich Group continues to go down in flames while the Stanford International Bank has been proven as a massive, ongoing fraud.

HOT TIP: Do not name your investment company after a town in Connecticut or even a word that *sounds* exactly like a town in Connecticut.

There's a fume...in this truck...

2009-03-31T19:36:00.003-04:00

I've been talking to my dear friend Jelena (pictured below) about perfume a lot lately.

These frag discussions are particularly concentrated on Serge Lutens, Frederic Malle, Caron, and Etat Libre D'Orange with limited exegesis on the creations of Annick Goutal, Jo Malone and our mutual hatred of Nina Ricci's 'L'air Du Temps.'

Based on her superior 'fume knowledge I was inspired to walk over to Barneys today to spend some time with the F. Malles and S. Lutens. What a glorious time!

I was going to paste in my reviews of several scents but I just re-read and realized it's probably not that interesting to most folks? So I'll just list my faves in loose order.

1. Lutens' 'Miel et Bois' layered with 'Un Lys' - Wow. This is a magical combination for spring.
2. F. Malle's 'En Passant' (though it doesn't seem to last that long on me? Maybe I really needed to douse it on...)
2. Lutens' 'Fleurs du Citronnier' (tie!)
3. F. Malle's 'L'eau d'hiver'
4. F. Malle's 'Musc Ravaguer'
5. Lutens' 'Nuit de Cellophane'
6. F. Malle's 'Carnal Flower' (should probably be higher but I am a little OD'ed on tuberose lately)

Now on my to-sniff list, courtesy of Jelena:

"Oh my god - I just thought of something........... have you smelled Chanel's Les Exclusifs?! Only available at the Chanel boutiques, there are 12 fragrances (giant 200ml bottles) - if you are looking for a spring/summer perfume you'd be hard pressed to find a more gorgeous one than something from the floral/citrus end of this line. I think you'd particulary enjoy the light lovely Sycomore (which I would have bought did I not already have 5 alternate summer fragrances) or the utterly pretty (ugly named!) Biege (not right for a brunette at all but perfect on a classy, honey-head like you). This line is totally worth your time to check out, you might fall in love with something since they are all beautifully done - even the ones you wouldn't wear.
I settled on Bois Des Iles which is my "mysterious seductress" perfume (obviously, rarely used). :-)

Also on the list:

Etat Libre D'Orange - Vraie Blond (just ordered a sample from The Perfumed Court)

Andree Putman Preparation Parfumee - an Olivia Giacobetti designed wet wood/ coriander/ pepper/ water lily creation

Caron - Muguet de Bonheur - a 1950s lily of the valley, lilac, jasmine, magnolia, pear, heliotrope and musk.

Geography

2009-03-31T11:24:00.001-04:00

Glasgow, England, huh?

A place to hold all my barf balls

2009-03-23T18:19:00.006-04:00

I sure hope that if I ever go to ACTUAL Memphis it isn't completely decorated with this shit.

Does being a quarter Italian earn me the right to say all of the above are gross? Blech. I hate Alessi too. I guess I just hate 'whimsy'

Oh.

2009-03-03T08:12:00.003-05:00

Gettin all set to go to Antigua, guys! Just thought I'd post this weather report to inspire maximum jealousy! 5 days of rain in a tropical paradise going through a major economic scandal!

I'm not saying...

2009-02-27T16:30:00.004-05:00

this is the WORST product in the world- maybe it tastes cool. But between the box design which is 'tOtAlLy fOoD sTaMpS' and the fact that it says 'A Natural Laxative' front and center right on the box....it just doesn't have much SEX APPEAL. But I guess neither does America.

Roll on, flavor train!

2009-02-24T09:10:00.001-05:00

Food future scares me.

Witness.

Yo

2009-02-19T21:21:00.002-05:00

I'll admit- sometimes I'm walking around and I see a healthy, fit, well-groomed dog and think, "Yo. That dog is SEXY!" but then you read about a lady who is bathing, sleeping and hitting the sauce with a chimp in Connecticut and you're like whoooaaaaa .. a bridge too far, buddy. I will think twice before I mention how "attractive" an animal is!

To clarify, I have never had an urge to kick it with a dog- no matter how sexy - but I can see how my saying so could be misinterpreted.

What else bummed me out about this chimp story you ask? Oh, just how one of the commenters suggests that the mauled victim might be better off losing her two eyes because a "woman's true currency is beauty." Soooo... better to not SEE ANYTHING EVER AGAIN rather than look at your own scarred face in the mirror. WTF WTF? Also, how can a woman in 2008 even say something like that out loud? I do not get paid in beauty, nor can I spend it at Neiman Marcus so I'll stick with currency as my currency if that's cool. DAHHHHH!!!

I'm just like... more free to be me, man.

2009-02-18T15:27:00.001-05:00

tie-dye 5 toed socks, originally uploaded by asiadyer.

Elizabeth Spiridakis is threatening to move to Portland. Hope she's into THESE.

Types & Kinds of Dogs

2009-02-12T17:38:00.003-05:00

Here are some old dog pictures for you. You may have seen 'em before.

"Are You Smarter Than Beyonce?"

2009-02-11T18:16:00.001-05:00

Yes.

Best Tweet Today

2009-01-29T17:48:00.000-05:00

From Graham Smith:
'Hadn't heard the word "Widgetsphere" before. I presume that is because it basically means "Internet" if you think about it for ~2 seconds.'

Wiggler

2009-01-20T19:52:00.002-05:00

Names I call my dog, Jam:

Jammy
The Jam dog
Jambone
Jamazon.com
Jamela
Jamerson, Lake & Palmer
"Who's fat and has four legs? You, Jam."
The Beast

Things Jam does:

Stares (at us, at her food bowl, at the floor)
Begs
Licks her paws
Sneezes/dry heaves
Sleeps with Mike's shoes
Barks at my legs while I sleep
Pees in the basement

APC Dress

2009-01-13T22:16:00.001-05:00

P1040026.JPG, originally uploaded by microtard.

My maternity gear.

Also, my non-maternity 'pile of shit in the background'

You're all. I need. To get by....

2009-01-13T17:30:00.003-05:00

And I am only like $10K short of owning this Naeem Khan RST '09 vision.

Stop Smithin'

2009-01-07T14:56:00.002-05:00

TONIGHT.

GRAHAM SMITH.

PIANO'S (PAINOS)

LUDLOW STREET

BE THERE BY 8.

You've been warned

2009-01-06T19:01:00.003-05:00

I think I'm going strawberry blonde.

I'm a little nervous- I mean, having red hair is usually a symptom of being fat but I have a totally valid excuse for that now, plus the chick on the box sorta looks like Charlotte from LOST. Only 15 days til Season 5!

There.

2009-01-03T10:45:00.002-05:00

Kinda better?

Might change up the background still...

FYI the address of this thing is scrubbinz.blogspot.com (if you do bookmarx)

How's my weekend?

2009-01-03T07:58:00.005-05:00

Let's see. It's 7:45 on a Saturday and I am at the office.

???

Sure, you could say that.

But you know what would make me ULTIMATE best? Redesigning this painfully ugly blog.
See, it's designed pretty much 'text-only' style so that it can be read in the iFrame of microtard.com ...but since I am pretty sure that is how exactly NO ONE reads it (also: no one reads it), I'm just going to take it in a bold new direction with my html "skillz."

They call me...

2008-12-22T13:03:00.002-05:00

(this)

In case you like...hadn't heard.

If You're Not Following me on Twitter...

2008-12-20T10:38:00.003-05:00

You most likely get outside too much.

But seriously folks. You know, for once, I am not going to bemoan the current layer of snow on the ground or winter in general. It's really cool at NIGHT! You look up in the sky and its glowing with this weird too-bright-to-be-night pinkish beige...you can see all these night details you probably miss the rest of the time. Like negative space! Sorry to be all art teacher but it's true. A precipitate sky in winter is a beautiful sky.

Man, I got all these cuts on the inside of my mouth from sleeping with my mouth open and it gettin too dry in there. Ain't typically a mouth-breather but I have prenatal congestion real bad. Now it can finally be said. What can also be said is that I have prenatal AWESOME TITS.

I woke up today and thought, "What are the boringest things I could possibly post on a blog?" and here you are, reading them.

Sorry but I just can't let this go

2008-12-19T15:38:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I posted a link to 'Chuck the Yuck' - the "hip" and "modern" way of dealing with barf, but what I didn't post was the neverending email chain between my mother and I, ripping on them all day. So I'm doing that now.

MICROTARD ---> MOM
Could they mention "celebrity studded", "celebrity trends" "designer jeans" and "soiled True Religions" a bit more??? THEY'RE BARF BAGS! I'm pretty sure PAN AM thought of this like 45 years ago.

MOM ---> MICROTARD
You are HILAIRE....
I would love to know their sales figures. I mean, how many times does anyone BARF? It's been like four years since my last barf-fest....and no dinky little bag would have contained that!!
I say....Bring back the Big Green Bowl..!!
xoxox
mama

MICROTARD ---> MOM
DAHHH!! They're all dissing a BOWL for not being fashionable enough? IT HOLDS EMESIS!! Glue some damn Swarovski crystals on it if you're that much of a doucheball.

MOM ---> MICROTARD
Honey, STOP.

MICROTARD ---> MOM
One more... from the "stories" page:

Tim Labatte, Portland OR
Not a baby story but I sure could of used one on a business trip I made. I was sitting in the middle seat in the center of the plane when a lady came on to the plane and sat right next to me. She was crying hysterically. I was not sure what to do. Anyway, she started to thumb through the front pocket searching for something then out of nowhere... BAM! She threw up all over the seats, herself, me and my book. Now, I was upgraded to business class which is cool. BUT a chuck the yuck would have definately come in handy.

IT WOULD HAVE COME IN SOOOO HANDY BECAUSE I'M TOTALLY SURE YOU WOULD JUST HAND A CRYING WOMAN A FAGGY TREAT BAG TO VOMIT INTO ON A PLANE. "YOU LOOK SAD, GO ON AND HAVE A BARF" Also, air sick bags are KINDA in the seat pocket of every aircraft in the United States.

MOM ---> MICROTARD
Unfortunately, airsick bags are no longer guaranteed. Just another way the airlines are "cutting back." Can you believe it?
But why would this woman just sit there crying...instead of making her way to the bathroom?
xoxox
mama
p.s. I'm sure these "letters" are all made up by their friends..!!

MICROTARD ---> MOM
Yeah. This "woman" sounds like a retard. "Wah... I have to barf.. what do I do???" Besides a) not travel b) use the washroom before I board the plane c) use the washroom ON the plane d) ring for the attendant e) warn the guy beside me f) use my scarf/sweater/purse/blanket to yak in f) stand in the aisle and barf on the floor ....

MOM ---> MICROTARD
All logical options for a NORMAL person..!! Who just pukes on themselves after age 1..??

No idea. Anyway, I guess I'm through ripping this "company" 17 different assholes.

Step into the boardroom ...

2008-12-19T13:50:00.003-05:00

Shot in the boardroom at my office. Totally not intimidating or anything.

From the NY Times...
"...He has an eight-foot-long instructor’s model of a Browning automatic rifle from the early 1950s that was used as a training weapon for the Special Devices Center of the United States Office of Naval Research. Made of aluminum, it comes apart, to teach servicemen how to load clips of ammunition as well as strip, clean and reassemble the gun. "

What the Chuck?

2008-12-18T12:29:00.000-05:00

read this "company profile"

...and you'll wish you had one of their products handy.

(I barely got through their babies' names without hurling but it gets worse. More on this later...)

Tempest in an A-cup

2008-12-16T13:57:00.004-05:00

Bummer that this suit is not for the chestily well-endowed because it's gor-juice!

In 2008...

2008-12-11T14:06:00.003-05:00

We may all be cryin' like realtors.

Not me though- my job rules.

Click to ADD TO WISHLIST

2008-12-02T14:36:00.003-05:00

According to Sophisticate's Black Hair Magazine, "The history of the evolution of the African-American hair-care business would not be complete without this inspiring story..."

Grow a pair?

2008-12-01T11:35:00.001-05:00

Dear Saks,

Might have been helpful to show this dress on someone with ANY boobs.

Maybe?

Got this pregnancy on smash!

2008-11-25T19:20:00.005-05:00

Guys. This shit is so easy. I'm like a 1/3rd done already.

Peep this approximation:

Heart is beating, blood is pumping and most importantly- gorgeous hair and nails are forming. On the gross tip: my baby's kidneys are filling with and excreting urine. What am I supposed to do with that? Answer: It is the amniotic fluid. Never knew that /glad it's too late to get a tropical fish aquarium instead.

Sadversary

2008-11-21T11:43:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my guts exploding and my almost croaking. I reminded Mike of it last night and he said he had forgotten because he does not commemorate my almost death, only my continued life and the life which now springs anew inside my formerly ravaged guts. Pretty miraculous stuff. I couldn't really bring myself to be sad about it but I took some time to remember how it all went down and remembered Kim Owens' recent words to me about how it's the same baby. As in, I'm having the same baby now that I didn't get to have last year. In a month I'll get to find out if that baby is a boy or a girl, despite Katie's insistence that I DO NOT DO THAT. Sars, but I'm not dealing with a bunch of green and yellow onesies.

In other news- I want to punch Nigella Lawson in the crotch. Girlfriend and her man Charles Saatchi have a combined net worth in excess of $150m and she says she has no intention of leaving her children with financial stability? In this economy even? Okay- I know a lot of billionaires say similar things about the value of hard work and blah blah it ruins people not to earn their own money but Nigella is the daughter of a fucking BARON and the jewish socialite heir to the J. Lyons fortch. Maybe her statement is actually a recipe for 'Crock de SHIT'?? Also she made her kids choose one Christmas present and donate the rest a la 'Mommy Dearest.' Um- why not only BUY your kids one present instead of torturing them? Or just be a Jehovah's Witness and forget about presents all together and maybe get a clean house out of the deal. *

*Witnesses pride themselves on keeping clean homes because they are always dropping in on people and want to be in constant readiness should people choose to drop in on them. Personally I think they should CLEAN the houses of the people they drop in on to sweeten the idea of not being one of the 144,000. But, tis not my place.

So....

2008-11-10T14:14:00.002-05:00

Sorry I haven't been blogging super hard but I have been busy with my new internet presence. It's less party-oriented, more milk-production-oriented.

Please Continue to Hold

2008-11-07T12:26:00.004-05:00

I get a kick out of calling the Brooklyn division of New York Animal Care & Control and waiting forever to speak to someone because their hold music includes an asian man telling me that "all asians are currently busy" and to "please hold for the next available asian." Which is what I do.

Nap for Change

2008-11-06T14:30:00.002-05:00

Reading about everybody's "amazing/ bananaboatz/ crazysauce/ totes sensaysh" post-election reveling has made me a tad gel-capped... but I am still just as excited about our new president, despite my falling asleep as 10pm on election night. (I had HELL OF CONFIDENCE in his abilities, what can I say??)

Anyway- now I don't have to hurry up and make sure my Canadian health coverage is still valid since I don't need to flee America anytime soon. yay.

But here is what I do need to do: punch Ed Hardy clothes on the subway, start paying attention to bands again (somewhat?), do something with my life other than show up for work everyday, buy a hair dryer.

Snoozehound

2008-10-31T12:44:00.001-04:00

This dog is where I want to be, doing what I want to do.

Might as well be a communist

2008-10-23T12:49:00.002-04:00

I feel bad for McCain and Obama- not just because one of them is about to lose and be a sad clown for life (McCain) and one of them has the odious task of dealing with scared/angry/ignorant/poor/helpless and/or sick Americans for the next four years (Obama) but because both have to drive American cars. Imagine you only had a choice between the Ford Escape hybrid and the GMC Yukon.